Admila: What I Became

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A person loses their true self not through sudden sin, but through slowly accepting thoughts, desires, and compromises they justify as their own freedom.-(Please read my poem patiently, not just press the like button. I hope for your valuable comments. I am posting it only in a selected groups. It will be published after the group admins review it )

***********************

I lived a life the world would call complete,

Composed, controlled, untouched by reckless winds.

My days were shaped by duties done with care,

A name respected yet not deeply known.

****

I was the lamp that never flickered once,

A quiet strength that never asked for more.

Yet somewhere deep, a pulse I would not name

Lay sealed within, like breath in still, dark water.

****

One night I saw two shadows wrapped in flame-

A fleeting glance, yet something held me there.

Not what they did, but how they seemed to live,

Unbound by rules that quietly shaped my days.

****

I turned away , yet carried it with me,

A thought that grew like roots beneath the soil.

Not sudden fire, but slow, persistent heat

That warmed the places I had left untouched.

****

“I gave enough,” I whispered to myself.

“This life is mine”-a truth I bent with care.

For freedom, when it rises without ground,

Feels close to truth, yet leads the heart astray.

****

I met a voice that listened when I spoke,

A space where I could finally be seen.

Not love but close enough to quiet doubt,

And I no longer held myself as firm.

****

I did not fall,I walked there, step by step.

Each choice was small, each reason seemed so right,

Until the path I thought I governed well

Turned quietly and led me out of sight.

****

My world grew soft where once it had been firm,

My lines dissolved in comforts dressed as peace.

And slowly I began to trade my truth

For borrowed moments where I felt alive.

****

My wealth ran dry like rivers lost to heat,

And hunger found a language I could learn.

My hands, once clean, grew skilled in taking more,

My nights were sold to quiet deeper pain.

****

Not just my flesh but something far more mine:

My sense of self, my silent inner ground.

For every coin, a whisper seemed to rise-

“You will be held, you will not break again.”

****

Yet even now, I see a deeper truth:

The world I blamed was never wholly wrong.

For many live as I had learned to live-

In brighter rooms, with softer, hidden chains.

****

They sell their time, their thoughts, their silent peace,

And call it life, success, or chosen paths.

But what is choice when shaped by unseen wounds?

And what is freedom stripped of inner truth?

****

Now death arrives not cruel, but strangely kind,

Like dusk that asks for nothing as it comes.

My breath grows thin-yet something sharp remains:

A clarity I buried all these years.

****

I see it now,I was not overthrown.

No single force had power over me.

But in the thousand times I let things pass,

I slowly gave away what I once was.

****

If any hear the echo of my voice-

Do not ignore the thoughts you let remain.

For what you feed in silence shapes your life,

And what you justify will master you.

****

Seek not just warmth but something built to last.

Let truth remain, even when it cuts deep.

For gold will fade, and borrowed love will break-

But what you guard within will shape your end.

****

My breath now fades like waves that leave the shore,

No second chance, no time to choose again.

And all that’s left ,one unyielding truth:

I lost myself in ways I called my own.

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