What I Did to Love

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A wild wind-love first named itself to me,

A burning bush that would not bow or kneel,

An untamed flame that warmed and frightened me,

Too bright to hold, too real to not be real.


I tried to draw its shape with careful rules,

Built walls of promise, locks of  always stay,

I held it tight like something taught in schools,

Afraid that if I blinked, it’d drift away.


But love grew thin beneath my clenched embrace,

It bled in silence, dimmed its living spark,

A sacred song I smothered in its case,

Until the notes fell quiet in the dark.


I bound it next with jealousy and fear,

Fed it my doubts, my questions, my demand,

I whispered truths it never asked to hear,

And called control the proof I loved it right.


But love grew tired of proving it was mine,

It sighed and waned beneath my constant need,

And every chain I swore would make it fine

Curled back around my own confined heartbeat.


I chased its meaning, chased its hidden core,

Believed if I could name it, it would stay,

I begged it to be something solid, sure,

Not mist that slips between the night and day.


But love refused my definitions clean,

It flickered, laughed, then vanished from my grasp,

Leaving me staring at where it had been,

Awake inside a half-remembered dream.


So now I open wide my guarded hands,

I let it come, I let it go, I try-

I let it roam like wind across the land,

I let my heart learn singing, not just why.


For love unbound may break me, leave me raw,

May cost me tears I never planned to weep,

But loving free, without a cage or law,

Is still the only love I choose to keep.



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