The Judas Within

 

I linger in laziness, light and lush,

My skin slides, sighs, sinks into yours.

Time loosens its grip on the clock,

Minutes melt like sugar on my breath.

I wonder-what is the transcendence of transcendence,

If not my soul forgetting its weight?

My heart, hollowed in a wine glass,

Waits, warm, wavering at the rim.

Memory moves like a low tide through me,

Pulling names, nights, and nerves into foam.

A red dragonfly dances before my eyes,

Its wings tracing prayers in borrowed light.

I follow it through waves that woo my heart,

Through sleep-soft waters of half-known faith.

I hug, I hold, I hearken-until enough swells,

Until fullness breaks my fear of loss.

I wake, wrap myself in the night angel’s gaze,

Her silence woven from ash and stars.

Sun-stitched eyes brush softly on my cheek,

As if dawn is learning how to bless me.

I switch off the lamp; the dark becomes kind.

The walls release the words they were holding.

Shadows kneel, no longer hunting,

And I learn how to listen.

I know there are dawns that never dare the sunrise,

Wounds that refuse the language of light.

Black, brooding silhouettes blanket my love,

Not to suffocate-but to shelter.

I walk on, carrying the weight of myself,

Each step a question, each breath a vow.

The dagger of betrayal dulls in my hand,

Its edge softened by remembered pain.

A Judas jingles inside me,

Coins ringing like unfinished prayers.

But even silver can be melted,

Even guilt can be given a form.

In the quiet court of my inner night,

I stand witness to my own undoing.

No judge arrives-only understanding,

Only the slow untying of my knots.

Threefold truth trembles inside me, then steadies, then sings:

I love without armor,

I fall without exile,

I forgive-and am forgiven-

Until my heart, emptied at last,

Is filled with something vast and wordless.